Who Am I – to believe I was called to be a Dance Minister? I have repeatedly asked myself this question, prior to and even during the 2014 Gathering of Eagles in Dallas Texas. I came to this conference as a 2014 TEN graduate; however, unbeknownst to me, I was coming to the conference to gain so much more. During the day of the Yom Kippur (atonement service), Rabbi Yisrael Ben Avraham said that instead of asking ourselves “Who Am I,” we should ask ourselves “Where Am I”. So there I sat, considering WHERE AM I? During that particular service, I came to realize that where I needed to be was laid prostrate before the ‘face’ of the Lord… So when Rabbi sent out the call for the person “fighting for their life.” I hesitated and stood there conflicted, until I finally gave in and walked that very lonely walk to the front. It was there, after my act of walking to meet God, that Rabbi served as the vessel to give me the personal message that on that day I was “renamed beloved” by God. I finally accepted that I was called to be a Dance Minister. However, my journey to this place has been a long one. I believe I came out of the womb as a dancer. However, my dance training began by attending my first dance school, Dance Explosion, at the age of 9. I remained there for 2 years and then began dancing at Gloria Jackson, a dance studio that was under the direction of Kathleen Turner. Ms. Kathy was eventually called to bring dance into the church at the Greater Allen AME Cathedral. However, I felt too emotionally constricted to dance for the Lord, as was evident when I attempted to audition to join the newly formed ministry. However, I continued dancing with Gloria Jackson until I left to begin my undergraduate studies at Binghamton University. Dance would continue to be a significant part of my life through the Black Dance Repertoire at Binghamton University, and the various dance groups I’ve formed myself, such as the Hommocks Middle School Multicultural Dance Group. As time evolved, I eventually returned to the church. After completing my graduate studies, at Pennsylvania State University, I joined Union Baptist Church (in New Rochelle, NY) and ministered in the Dance Ministry. Two years later, I moved to Mount Vernon, NY and joined the dance ministry at Grace Baptist Church. In 2010, I moved to Atlanta, Georgia and joined Turner Chapel AME. It was through Turner Chapel, via Eagle Danese Turner, that I was introduced to the TEN Network. I began TEN in January 2011, but moved to Orlando and therefore did not finish. While living in Orlando I attended and ministered with the dance ministry of St Mark AME Church. It was here, in a place of financial, emotional, and spiritual desolation, that I finally found myself able to dance more freely. All of these years of dance, yet I still felt confined. I returned to Atlanta in November of 2011. However, I was now in a different county than previously, and though I visited various churches in my new area, I never felt led to join. So for three years I have remained un-churched until I felt pulled to St James United Methodist Church in Alpharetta, Georgia. I joined St James UMC on September 28, 2014, one week before I would attend the 2014 Gathering of the Eagles. Which brings me back to where I started… so where am I? I am sitting here typing a letter to receive admittance into the 2014-2015 Eagles International Training Institute Dance Ministers Year One. I finally accept that, long ago, God had called me to be a Dance Minister.
I sat listening intently as Father Greg Boyle provided his keynote luncheon speech to a captive audience. As he spoke, I jotted notes wanting to capture the nuggets of wisdom woven throughout his humorous and candid talk. However, in the midst of writing down pointers, I began to focus more on his delivery and energy. I took note of tone, pitch, inflection of speech, as well as the spacing of jokes that peppered his lecture. There I was the eager student hanging on to the words of the sage teacher. Absorbing all I could because I have already envisioned the day when I would be the invited keynote speaker…
Yes, that’s my vision and where I am directing my efforts and energies, to be a well-renowned motivational speaker. Though my dream is a tall order, I have lived a life that has taught me that:
It is the impossible that is quite possible!
So I continue to reach for the stars… And for those moments where I begin to doubt myself, I just reflect on how far I’ve already come.
I reflect back on the Donna of my yester-years. Seemingly outspoken and high achieving, yet on the inside I was a worrier, a loner, and a seeker of avoiding any and all the things that drew attention to myself. Any one who knew me when, can attest that I was notorious for burying my head in a book!
Yet, fast forward 25 years, and now I stand before others, providing them with the tools necessary to bring children out of their shell – kids locked inside of themselves, just like I was…
Father Boyle shared various points that I shall cherish. However, the statement that resonated with me most:
We must heal wounds to heal the wounded
I can attest to that… it was through the process of unleashing my own voice, of learning to get comfortable of being front-and-center, that I can now share that wisdom with others…
We must heal wounds to heal the wounded
I challenge you to pursue your own self-growth. Where are your shortcomings? What’s your Achilles heel? Identify it, accept it, and allow the healing process to happen, for when you do not only will it help you; it will equip you to help others!
As we cherish this time of the holidays where we focus on giving, let’s give to others the greatest gifts possible: the gift of acceptance, the gift of understanding, the gift of hope, and the gift of love.
Life According to Me,
Yesterday morning I trembled from the sheer weight of my tears; I was driving and crying, not the safest way to travel. But I couldn’t help myself…
You see… I was overcome with emotion, as I listened to ‘We Magnify Your Name’ by Lecresia Campbell. It’s not my first time hearing the song, and it’s not my first time shedding tears to the lyrics of this tune. Yet this morning was different. As I hummed along with the songstress, I thought about the POWER of God. And I thought about how I want to share with others the magnitude of God’s force that I feel within me. I reflected on my desire to touch the lives of others with this great energy.
To let all of that pour out through dance would be such an amazing testimony to God.
As I drove and fully acknowledged that I was created to bring forth such a testimony, the tears fell. And as the stream of tears lined my face, I distinctly felt the spirit of the Lord ask me “are you ready?”
Am I ready God? Am I? You tell me, I replied…
The Lord was asking this question, at this juncture because I was finally admitting to myself that I have been running from God my whole entire life. I didn’t want to be the strong warrior he created me to be. Correction, I didn’t believe I could be the strong warrior he created me to be.
Yet every inch of me has always gravitated to things of strength from my fascination with the birds of prey science exhibit in elementary school to my young girl yearnings to be Queen Elizabeth, She-rah, Alice in Wonderland’s Red Queen, and even Joan of Ark! These were weird fantasies for a budding girl, yet somehow it was as if I always knew I was made to be a soldier.
But, and this is a huge but… life beat me down. Life weighed me down. And though my spirit yearned to soar, I was overcome by the dampening weight of depression and ravaged by the unceasing angst of anxiety.
So how, God? How could this broken me be useful, much less strong, was the question I pondered for years?
And because I had no answer, I ran. I ran from answering God’s call on my life. I refused to surrender, because to surrender would mean to walk in the vision God had for me – that I am strong!
But God is faithful. God is omnipotent. God is all knowing. He knew what I was made of, he knew I would endure, he knew I would stumble but not crumble under the pressures of life.
And so there I was, in my car, listening to We Magnify Your Name… and God asked “are you ready?”
Who knew that after 40 years, I would be able to answer… Yes… Yes God I’m ready.
This humble servant is ready to don the mantle you had prepared for her, in the beginning. I am no longer afraid of the awesome power of you that shall pour out of me. Use me God.
Have you ever found yourself in a place wondering: “what am I doing here?”
Well, that was me, this past week… I was going through a mini existential crisis, wondering why certain desired things had not yet entered my life. It took everything in me just to be able to go to and from work. I was out of energy, as a car whose fuel tank was on empty. It wasn’t that anything new had occurred; yet somehow the dark cloud of depression had found a way to blot out my sunshine. I guess I was experiencing scripture firsthand because Proverbs 13:12 says that a deferred dream will make one sick… and sick I was feeling indeed.
From this place of feeling like an emotional train wreck, I showed up to volunteer for the Catalyst Conference. For those of you not familiar with the Catalyst Conference, it is a national conference intended to provide education, resources, and tools to leaders who love the Church. From this place of emotional brokenness I had to dig from within to keep a smile on my face as I greeted the arriving guests.
After the second day, all of that smiling on the outside (but not the inside) depleted me. When my duties were done, I fled the conference to sequester myself in my bedroom. But something miraculous happened on the third day of the conference. My duties were done strangely early that morning and I was free to sit in on the conference activities. As I sat there in an arena filled with 8,000+ Christians, I initially watched but then joined in as we sang about the awesome power of God to free us from past hurts, from disappointments, from broken hearts. I realized that I had found the answer to my initial question of “what I was doing there”. It struck me that I was in the right place, at the right time. And it felt good, awesome in fact!
So much so that I see it as a pivotal point in my faith walk with God because two days after the conference ended I decided to give my body back to God. I am now choosing to abstain from sex until marriage. Go figure, me? Seems ludicrous yet as I was reminded, during the conference, we serve a God of the IMPOSSIBLE… not the difficult… the Impossible!
And it is in that God I place my faith, all of my future hopes and dreams.
I am in a new season and it is one that is hope filled. May my story of courage and bravery, in the face of doubt, fear, and tears give you the strength to take your own leap of faith!
Life According to Me,
I am 40 and still intend to have biological children. That statement often garners me incredulous looks and an inane litany of questions that go something like this:
- You STILL want to have children?
- Why’d you wait so long?
- When do you plan to do this?
- You realize time is running out?
- Doctors say your chances are slim after 40, so how are you going to have a baby?
And on and on the list goes…
In my younger years I would let the doubts, insecurities, and disbelief of others cloud my own visions, hopes, and dreams.
However, me being as comfortable as I am in my own skin now, has allowed me to believe in every single dream within my heart… And that means I trust in me, I trust in my body, and I trust in God’s plan for my life – so I guess that’s why I have faith that I shall be a midlife mommy 🙂
The irony of this entire situation is that while outdated research studies say I should be less fertile after 35, I actually feel and look healthier than I’ve ever been. I must add in the emphasis that the research is outdated; women are having babies post age 35, at increasing rates.
If you’re interested in reading more about the outdated research take a look: http://nypost.com/2013/09/28/outdated-studies-feed-false-panic-about-older-moms-to-be/
I share this story about my fertility journey, hoping that it might inspire you to believe in whatever it is you desire to birth or bring forth, whether it be a baby (like me) or some other new life journey!
The moment I stopped limiting my options to what was in front of my eyes, was the exact moment that I broadened my perspective and life began to unfold before me…
So here I sit on the cusp of birthing my first book as an author! Watching my professional speaking career flourish! And being able to complete a few must-do activities like flying trapeze!!
I’m so EXCITED and THANKFUL for this season that I am in…
I am happy – I am healthy – and I am ready for that which is to come.
Life According to Me,
It’s been said that you have to expect great things in order for them to happen… In other words, our life unfolds because of what we anticipate! Expectations are the root because expectations guide our actions, and our actions then lead to various consequences or results. This idea comes from the Law of Cause and Effect. This same concept is illustrated in science and spirituality. What you do will lead to various results…
But here comes the dilemma! Those results are NOT always spontaneous! Sigh…
This is a dilemma because most of us do things – wanting to see the CHANGE NOW! Sometimes I wanted and needed the change even quicker than NOW. How about RIGHT NOW!
Often when my actions are not leading to desired consequences, I begin to doubt, question, and contemplate faltering! What’s the point, I wonder. It seems to be a waste of time to continue doing something that isn’t working, right?
I’ve had to learn, the hard way, that putting forth effort doesn’t guarantee immediate results, it just guarantees results – even if those results are delayed and slow to come.
Recently, while reading Cindy Trimm’s book Command Your Morning, she shared the idea that before manifestation there is incubation. This means before we can see the results, there is a period that we have to WAIT for the results.
I found this concept so interesting that I decided to Google the word incubation and I came across this idea:
Incubation is time set aside that substantially increases the odds of solving a problem
This was very fascinating to me because in the past I have viewed my deferred dreams as a season of frustration, limitation, and lack. However, I now have a renewed perspective.
Instead of seeing the waiting as a negative, I could rejoice in the knowledge that my waiting is preparing me to be able to tackle the obstacles on my future path, as well as give me a greater appreciation of the blessings still to come!
So if you’re like me, and you’re WAITING, on something to happen in your life; continue to do your part – don’t quit. Remember that your efforts won’t be in vain. Not only do the laws of science support your actions, but God does too!
Life According to Me,
I was single and that was not were I desired to be… an apparent disconnect between my wishes and reality existed. It was so apparent that I was awakened from my sleep with a sense of unrest! It was 2am and I was no longer in the oblivion of REM, which meant I had to face the truth. I was lonely…
The weight of loneliness began to get heavy and the disheartening bordered on unbearable. But then I had a thought! What if I started using all of the things I’ve learned about happiness? Now that would be something novel – to use the information I’ve amassed! So that’s what I set out to do. I combed my brain for remnants of something that could help me in this moment of despair. And that’s when I bumped head first into the idea –
WHY NOT FOCUS on where you are HEADED instead of where you are RIGHT NOW?
Eureka I think she’s got it!
The more I turned the thought over in my mind, the more I realized that it was indeed the answer. And keeping with the nickname given to me by my father (The Scientist), at 2am I went on a search to find evidence for my proposed hypothesis. Here’s what I discovered:
Elizabeth Gilbert – “You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings” – from the book ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ – read August 2008
Tracey McMillan – “you really do have to believe something before you can see it” – from the book ‘Why You’re Not Married yet?’ – read June 2014
Michael Singer – “learn to stop resisting reality, and what used to look like stressful problems will begin to look like the stepping-stones of your spiritual journey” from the book ‘The Untethered Soul’ – read November 2014
Ralph Carson – “See yourself getting better each day and use your mind to visualize where you want to be and how things will be when you get there” from the book ‘The Brain Fix’– read July 2015
Cindy Trimm – “Focus[ing] on the problem [prohibits you] from seeing the solution” from the book ‘Command Your Morning’ – read July 2015
After 1 hour I decided to stop, though I could have continued… The evidence seemed to be clear: what we think, see, and believe becomes what is. So I refuse to allow my current state to dictate what is to come. I will dance in advance, for I claim the victory as mine!
My hope is that you too will find the courage to start dancing DURING your situation. See yourself successful, think about your next step, believe you’re going to WIN, and by God’s might it shall be.
Life According to Me,
The day prior to Independence Day I attended a church concert featuring Tye Tribbett. The concert was an awesome experience and there were many lessons I learned from the word preached by the church’s pastor Joel E. Gregory and Tye Tribbett him self.
Here is just one of the nuggets I took home:
When we focus on the problem we start to sink, so stay focused on the solution (which comes from and is God)
It seemed nothing could knock me off my center… and I remained in that peaceful place until life came-a-knocking.
I was still broke. Financially strapped. I felt good on the inside but I was still forced to acknowledge the constraints of the world around me. The direness of my situation became real when I could only place 80 cents in the church’s offering bucket. The gas tank in my car was on empty, payday was 48 hours away, and all I had to give to God was eighty cents.
Some might think that my fiscal limitations would be enough to plummet me into a pit of self-pity and despair. But alas that was not the case! In fact what dropped into my spirit, into my thoughts was one of the songs that Tye Tribbett performed at the concert.
“The devil thought he had me, thought that my life was over, he thought by now I’d give up, he thought I had no more” (from the song He Turned It).
Although I danced to that very song at the concert, the words resonated with me more clearly in that moment of contemplating my “funny money.”
I was still alive; I hadn’t quit nor gave up. Though I will admit there were SO many moments where I thought about throwing in the towel!
Not now though… You see I have finally arrived to the place in life where I REFUSE to quit, no matter the challenge or difficulty that faces me!
Losing is not an option for me even on the days where I am counting the stray coins…
Napolean Hill is quoted as stating: “Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.” I intend to get a return on investment for all of my efforts!
I continue to strive to reach the top! I hope you’ll join me.
Life According to Me,
Completion on the Earth…
Have you ever stopped to wrap your mind around the fact that everything is already complete? Tomorrow has already happened! It is mind boggling for our human minds to fathom this, but everything already exists within the spiritual realm. This is not only demonstrated on a metaphysical level (good old science) but it’s also scriptural.
So if everything already exists why don’t we have all we desire right now?
Why do some people die with unfulfilled dreams?
I don’t think anyone has the definitive answer to either question; we may have to wait until we can ask God himself. However, I do believe that part of the answer rests within the person. I wonder… do dreams die because we fail to bear them? Do we quit? Do we get frustrated? Or do we not chase them at all due to fear or unbelief?
There are so many signs and wonders that prove when we never quit – we make it to the finish line! And what we speak is what is…
Here are two short examples:
Example 1 – Two weeks ago I repeatedly teased one of my pregnant students that she was having twins, and I forewarned her that words have weight. So since I put it out into the universe, it was probably going to come back as truth. Guess what that same student emailed me to say: “so you were right, I’m carrying twins. We just found out in the ultrasound.”
Example 2 – Seven months ago friends and I began a Morning Prayer Circle. We pray over our finances, our family, our health, and our hearts. We also stand in the gap and pray over others: our nation, our coworkers, and even people we don’t know. For seven months we have kept up this practice and this week one of my friends shared that God has blessed her and answered her prayers! It took seven months for the blessing to appear but we prayed without ceasing and we never stopped believing, so the blessing was completed!
If you’re reading this, I hope you are getting inspired. I pray you are experiencing motivation. My wish is that you feel a burning desire to go after, chase after, and pursue each and every promise God has JUST FOR YOU!
Remember prayer and positive thinking is where it begins, but it can’t stop there. You have to take persistent and consistent steps in the direction of where you hope to be!
Life According to Me,
This morning I listened to a song called ‘Lord You’re Mighty’ by a group called Youthful Praise. The lyrics continue to echo in my head as they repeatedly chant: “Lord you’re mighty”…
There are so many reasons that I could cosign with that tune, but right now I just want to hone in on one point – the Lord is MIGHTY because GOD IS EVERYWHERE! I mean literally everywhere! Just look for God in the church and out of the church. You will find God in the flight of the birds and the waving of the trees. God is even on our jobs and in our neighborhoods.
You may be wondering why I’m on this God Love Fest? Well… it’s because this weekend I was struck by the seemingly random yet synchronous events of life! Only GOD could take the seemingly accidental happenings of life and string it together so that it reveals a little bit more about this journey called life.
Let me share what happened.
On Friday, of last week, I decided to participate in a webinar on total body health. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a health nut and the eternal nerd, so I am always seeking to learn something new! While listening to the webinar, the speaker shared that true health involves not only physical health but also mental and spiritual health. She went on to elaborate that health begins with a desire to be healthy and even when we don’t know the next step we have to trust that our desire will guide us in the direction of the information that we seek.
Now fast forward a few days… I was spending some time at my sister’s house and decided to peruse her bookshelf. My fingers for whatever reason stopped on a book entitled The Magic in the Extra Mile by Larry DiAngi. Wasn’t familiar with author, nor his work but for some odd reason I decided to skim through his book. As I peered into the pages, reading some but scanning most, my eyes fell upon these words:
YOU WILL KNOW THE NEXT STEP
How odd! The phrasing of the words in the book was almost identical to the words spoken in the webinar.
It was as if those particular words were being repeated because it was intended for me to not only receive that message but to do something with it!
I now share these same words with you hoping that they inspire you to trust your life path, trust the journey, trust God to give you the next step!
Believe and never stop…
Life According to Me,