When you look up the phrase hopeless romantic… I bet you find my picture! I am one of those naive for love types! I love happy endings, believe in “magic”, and I’m always rooting for love. So you can imagine why being without my soulmate, for years, has been wreaking havoc on my psyche!

However, I recently had a moment of clarity that led to me making a decision that was sort of a jolt to my system:

I am going to remain single for 2017

Never in my wildest imagination would I have thought this would be the route for me, yet here I am.

This thought process was probably brewing for some time, but I believe my recent 42nd birthday was the proverbial icing on the cake. I am 42 and have never ever been single for an entire year.

Since I began dating at the age of 16, I have never truly been single… 26 years of spending time with numerous iterations of “mr wrong” has taken it’s toll! So I’ve decided to step back, be a bit selfish, and take this time to just spend it on… ME!

Now don’t get me wrong, I still know that one day I shall marry again. And I also know that our relationship shall be amazing (how do I know, well because I’m preparing for him – but that’s a different blog post, for another day).

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A preview of my preparation for my future marriage… here are 2 books that I’m currently reading.

 

But for right now, in this brief snapshot of time, I am going to take a little time to focus on Donna…

Feels good to love myself!

Life According to Me,

Dr. Donna

 

 

 

Tightening the Money Belt

I am in the midst of saving for a major investment. The plan:

save $25,000 by October 1 2018

Whew!

Initially, I was excited as I thought about how amazing it’s going to feel when I reach my goal. But then other emotions soon arose. I began to feel overwhelmed and somewhat resentful about the restrictions such a goal would require. How in the heck would I be able to do anything, fun? Saving like this would mean scrapping my international travel plans for the year, forgoing birthday travel, and this last one truly breaks my heart – it would mean not being able to complete a highly anticipated week long dance intensive! Sigh 😦

Saving is No FUN!

I know – I know, without discipline and sacrifice, success is unattainable. But it sure doesn’t feel so good…

For a few days I grumbled this way to myself and even wallowed in a bit of self-pity, until I decided to search for the silver lining. It took me awhile, but I eventually found it…

Since saving will have me grounded and pinching pennies, I will just have to search for frugal ways to nurture my creative side! And being local will also give me time to get focused on a few writing and dancing goals that I have for myself…

  • Writing 2 books
  • Getting into a split on both sides

So… For the next 2 months I plan to dance. write. save. repeat… and hopefully, before I know it, I will have accomplished several of my goals!

Time will tell!  Until next time…

Life According to Me,

Dr. Donna

Birthday Musing – Life Reflections…

Yesterday was my birthday and 6 guys from my past called to wish me Happy Birthday… yup that’s right – SIX! I was somewhat astounded. There were calls, text messages, Facebook messages, and even a Group Me message. It seemed they left no stone unturned. At least half of that number I expected, as we have remained friends post-relationship. But the other half, that caught me by surprise. My inward response was: “wow you remembered my birthday?!”

The upside to these resurgences from the past was it echoed quite loudly the notion that people remember me, even after the relationship is no longer. That’s pretty cool, because I think it’s an innate human desire to know that you’re not forgotten and have left an imprint/mark! But there is also a downside to this unexpected attention. Visits from past ghosts brought with it trips down memory lane. Their gestures to wish me birthday blessings left me haunted. As I replayed each relationship over in my head, I confidently confirmed that none was a good fit. But when it was all said and done, I was still single and I left wondering “when will I meet my right fit?”

Some people get bummed by birthdays, afraid that the added year means “they’re getting old”. Not me, because each year usually means a new year of EXCITEMENT! As I mentally scrolled through the last few birthdays: at 35 it was a photo shoot in NYC & girlfriends dinner, at 36 it was a photo shoot & weekend getaway in Florida, at 37 it was a weekend of parties, at 38 a girlfriend spa weekend at the Ritz Carlton in Arizona, at 39 a professional photo shoot in Atlanta, at 40 an overnight spa trip, and at 41 I jumped out a plane. And this list doesn’t even take into account the plans that the “then” boyfriend(s) had planned for my special day!

So based upon my track record, I was all stoked and ready to receive 42 with open arms. I had the ultimate adventure planned, but then my plans had to change. I am saving for a really big upcoming expense, which means the responsible thing to do would be to stay local and grounded, on my birthday. Bummer!

I rebounded from my initial plans and did a really good job of enjoying my local birthday (took myself out to an early breakfast at a French Bistro and then midday lunch at a Mexican restaurant that I’ve never been to). But my ex’s… ah my ex’s… their resurfacing has me questioning myself. The relationship has ended. Have I changed any since then? Am I making any traction or am I just running on a treadmill going nowhere? Is my life progressing or am I stuck?

I don’t know that I discovered the answer… but I trust that time is the wonderful revealer of all things. So I will just have to be patient and wait to see how things pan out. A year or two from now, it’ll be interesting to see where I am and what I’m doing (in life).

Rebirth: Dancing Out of the Ashes

For most of 2016 I haven’t posted to this blog… Was it that there wasn’t much to say? Or that I had outgrown this venture… No that wouldn’t quite describe my recent activities because while some things have changed, others have remained the same –

I’m still waiting on God to meet my husband and start my biological family…

Having to wait so long was starting to take its toll, hence the gut wrenching tears that found their way from the depths of my soul out of my eyes, at the start of 2016… But then something shifted…

I began school to become a dance minister (November 2015) and it stirred something within me – something that had always been there but had finally made its way to the surface… I really wanted to pursue my passion for dance.

So writing was neglected as I chased my love of dance. 2016 found me studying to become a dance minister, taking dance classes at a local dance studio, and even enrolling as a dance minor student at a local university! There was dance, dance, and MORE DANCE! AND I Loved it! Ballet, Jazz, Modern, and Hip Hop!

I felt invigorated and more alive than I had ever felt!

  • I graduated from dance ministry school in October 2016 (…even completed my dance final on pointe (who would have thought I’d be back in toe shoes! Haven’t danced in toe shoes since the age of 10!!))
  • I have continued with my university dance minor (I’m about half way through!)
  • And at the end of this month I will be performing a ballet piece with my local dance studio

My dance love and purpose have given me inspiration and hope, as I continue to wait for my husband and family… It appears that dance, in many ways, brought me BACK TO LIFE…

And now that I’ve gotten so many things accomplished with dance, I figured it was time to get back to writing – which means blogging more regularly and working on two different book ideas.

I guess that’s all for now. But how serendipitous that I am writing my first entry, in quite some time, on the day that the Savior arose from the dead. Maybe it’s symbolic.

“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.”
― Gerard Way

 

“The phoenix must burn to emerge.”
― Janet Fitch

 

“When love awakens in your life, in the night of your heart, it is like the dawn breaking within you. Where before there was anonymity, now there is intimacy; where before there was fear, now there is courage; where before in your life there was awkwardness, now there is a rhythm of grace and gracefulness; where before you used to be jagged, now you are elegant and in rhythm with your self. When love awakens in your life, it is like a rebirth, a new beginning.”
― John O’Donohue